A Light in the Darkness
by BonesBBLover
Summary: BB. NO SPOILERS . "No matter how long it's been, or how far you've gone away, know that on the day you do come home, there is a light to guide you way, because someone always leaves the porch light on."


Title: A Light in the Darkness

By: Crystal

"_No matter how long it's been, or how far you've gone away, know that on the day you do come home, there is a light to guide you way, because someone always leaves the porch light on."  
_

* * *

She stood there, on the darkened street, silently watching. Unmoving. Debating within her own mind over the reason she had come. The moon was hidden behind the heavy cloud layer, enveloping the residential street in a blanket of darkness. Rows of silent, dark houses lined both sides of the street, and a dog began to bark a few blocks over.

She shivered in the cold, running her hands over her arms to stay warm. Her duffel bag sat near her feet where she had dropped it over an hour before. She knew there was a sweatshirt in there she should put on, but the cold was refreshing. She could feel the cold. For the first time in almost two years, she could feel something.

She stood in the driveway, watching the house, waiting to see if there was a sign of anyone being awake at this time of night. Nothing stirred within the house. Everyone was asleep. She stared at the porch light, the only source of light on the dark street, standing out like a beacon against the darkness.

Once, he had told her that he would always leave the light on for her. On nights she came home late from the lab, that light had been her beacon, welcoming her home. And he was always waiting for her when she arrived home.

On nights he was working late at the office, she would turn on the porch light for him before going upstairs to bed. It stood as a metaphor for their relationship, for their love. They would always leave the light on to welcome the other one home.

It had been a long time since she had been there, in Washington DC, standing in front of her house. Two years ago, to the day, she had left that house, never looking back. If she had glanced back once, she never would have left. She had turned off the light before she left.

The light shone, blinding her against the darkness, as she stood in the driveway, allowing long-buried memories to wash over her.

* * *

_It had taken over a year for her to agree to move in with him. He had to promise that they would find a new house, a new home. She argued that it wasn't right for one of them to move into the other's apartment, because it could never truly be theirs. Then one day, they had come across the house on a website. It was perfect. Four bedrooms, three bathrooms, a large kitchen and living room, and an office so they could work at home in the evenings. Within the month they were moving into their new home._

* * *

_The day she had found out she was pregnant was the most nerve-wracking day of her life. She didn't know how to be a mother, much less WANT to have children. She was terrified what his reaction would be to the news—he wanted more children, she knew that, but she wasn't sure if she was ready to be a mother. Would he leave her if she decided not to keep the child? Could she really abort her own flesh-and-blood? Would he be willing to give the child up for adoption? She needed to be rational and think through what was happening, but her morning sickness and hormones were playing with her head. She didn't know what to do, but the one thing she did know was that she had to tell him. He would help her through this, he always did.  
_

* * *

_Throughout her pregnancy, she had tried to push him away. She screamed at him to leave her alone, to get away from her. She wanted to abort the baby, and she told him that, but she was well into her second-trimester. She wouldn't talk to him about anything. She wanted to prove that she could function normally during her pregnancy. He didn't need to worry and fuss over her at all hours of the day and night. She continued to push him away, forcing him to sleep in one of the extra bedrooms for weeks at a time. She stopped going to Parker's t-ball games and going out in the field for work, electing instead to stay in the lab and work on paperwork. She would find reasons to stay at the lab late, and leave for work early, successfully limiting their time together._

_She was winning the battle of pushing him away, but not for his lack of trying. He dealt with her raging emotions, from being yelled at one minute to seeing her crying as if the world had ended in the next. He could deal with sleeping in another room, and her staying at the lab rather than going out into the field. He knew she needed her space sometimes. He was willing to give it to her, as long as she kept talking to him and being honest with him. When she became sullen and secretive, his heart began to break. He knew she was pushing him away, but every time he tried to hold on it was like trying to hold onto sand—the tighter you try to hold on, the faster it runs out. He was losing her, and it broke his heart. He had promised her forever, that he would never leave her. He hadn't counted on her pushing him away so she could leave him. He thought they were forever. He was wrong.  
_

* * *

_The day her son was born should have been the happiest day of her life. She had just brought the tiny boy into the world, she should have been happy. She wasn't. This wasn't the life she had wanted. She wanted her work, adventure, travel, and shallow relationships. He wanted family, happiness, love, and the white picket fence. She knew she wouldn't be able to give that to him. Two days after being released from the hospital, she had left Parker and Christopher with Angela so she could go to the grocery store. Seeley had been working late at the office that night, and as she left, she turned off the porch light._

_She got into her car and drove to the airport, her duffel bag lying on the seat next to her. She had arrived at Dulles Intl Airport and had walked into the terminal and straight over to the departures board. Scanning the board, she smiled for the first time in months. Perfect. She stood in line at the ticket counter, bought a last minute ticket, and boarded the plane. She didn't know where she was going, but she was definitely going to have an adventure getting there._

* * *

Two years. Christopher would be a toddler by now, and Parker would be almost 8. _What am I doing here?_ She wondered for the millionth time, still staring at the porch light. _He couldn't have left that on for me…_ she thought, realizing for the first time that he probably found someone else to love, who could love him back. Someone to raise their sons and give him the children and family he had always wanted. 

Without realizing it, tears had begun to fall, running down her cheeks and under her chin, dampening the collar of her shirt. She shivered again in the cold. But this time, the cold did not cause the shaking in her body. Silent sobs coursed through her body, as she fought to stay on her feet. She wanted to collapse and cry against the cold pavement of the driveway, but she wouldn't allow herself to give in to it. She was stronger than this. She had chosen to leave, she couldn't regret it now.

Finally, what seemed like hours later, her tears subsided. She was shivering violently in the cold, her hands and feet numb. She continued to stand in the driveway, watching the house, wondering if he had found someone else and what she was like.

So intently was she staring at the porch light and the front door that she did not see the shadow in the upstairs window.

* * *

He slowly pulled back the curtain; he was sure he had heard something outside the house. He wasn't prepared to see Her standing in the driveway, crying. She was shaking, and he knew she had been there for a long time.

It took all his resolve to stay where he was, at the window, watching her. He wanted nothing more than to run downstairs and wrap his arms around her. _This can't be real_, he thought to himself, _she can't be standing there. She said she'd never come back. She told me to move on and find someone who could love me._

As he watched her crying, he realized he too was crying. His heart broke the night she left, and seeing her, standing there, made him realize it had never healed. He was still in love with her, and wanted nothing more than to be with her. If only she could love him again_  
_

* * *

_He had been in the office when Angela called him to say that Bones' excursion to the grocery store had taken more than three hours and she was starting to worry. He called her cell, which was turned off. He called the lab, where no one answered. _

_Rushing home, he pulled into the driveway and realized the porch light was turned off. His heart sank at the sight, knowing for the first time that it was over. She was gone. And if he knew her as well as he thought he did, she wasn't coming back._

_Slowly he had dragged himself from the car up the walk and into the house. Angela was pacing the length of the living room, her worry evident on her face. He walked right passed her, up the stairs and into their bedroom, where a letter was waiting for him on their bed. Seeing the letter had nearly killed him, and as much as he wanted to see what she had said, he couldn't bring himself to read it. If he read it, it would be proof that they were really over. He wouldn't be able to lie to himself anymore._

_With silent tears rolling down his cheeks, he sat on the bed and gently opened the letter. In her scrawling handwriting, he began to read:_

_Seeley,_

_I'm sorry. This isn't the life I want. I'm not ready to be a mother. I don't know how to be a wife or a mother. It's better this way. You can find someone else who deserves you, who deserves your love, and who can love you back. Find a mother for Christopher. Don't tell him about me, please. I don't want him to have the abandonment issues I have. Love him, like you love Parker. You're a wonderful father, and you'll make an amazing husband for someone else. I'm sorry for hurting you, Seeley. You're the only one I ever loved, and I'm not ready for that. I hope your life is filled with joy and love. _

_Yours,_

_Bones_

_P.S. Please don't try to find me. I don't know where I am going, and the boys are going to need you. Don't come after me, Seeley. Stay in DC and find someone to love you._

* * *

She didn't know what to do as she stood there. It was nearing dawn, and she knew she couldn't be there when the sun came up. Finally, with one last look at the house, her home, she turned and began walking away. There was nothing left for her here. She would disappear again, maybe back to Australia where she had spent a few months, or Africa, to study a tribe deep in the jungle. It didn't matter where she went anymore. There were only two places: with him, and without him.

* * *

The tears were still falling when he realized she had begun to walk away from the house. _Wait! Stop!_ He tried to scream, but no sound came out. _Don't leave me here. Not again. Not alone._

Knowing there was only one thing he could do, he turned and ran from the window, down the stairs and out the front door. He was barefoot and bare-chested, clad in only his boxers. The cold bit his skin the moment the door was open, but he couldn't feel it. He could only feel his heart breaking again, as she left him for the second time.

Her pace had increased the further she got from the house, and he had to sprint to catch up to her.

"Temperance!" he managed to gasp out as he ran, his chest tight, fighting for oxygen. He had stopped running and was hunched over. He couldn't breath. "Don't leave me," he whispered, his heart too broken to see if she had stopped.

* * *

She had heard someone behind her, and she could have sworn she had heard someone call her name. Turning around, she saw him, bent double about a half-block behind her. She froze in her tracks, unable to move towards him, or away from him. _He came after me_, she thought, _could there still be a chance?_

* * *

He couldn't hear her footsteps anymore, and he was sure she was gone. When he finally forced himself to look up, their eyes met. Neither could look away, as they began to move towards the other. Neither could believe the other one was really standing there.

When they reached each other, she fell into his arms as he wrapped them tightly around her small frame. "Don't ever leave me again," he whispered into her hair, "I can't live without you."

"I'm not going anywhere ever again," she whispered back, her voice muffled by his chest. "I'm so sorry, Seeley, I was just so scared."

"You're here now, and that's all I want." His breath tickled her ear and she shivered, neither of them feeling the cold now that they were together again. "Temperance," he said after a moment, "I want forever this time. I won't be able to handle it if you leave me again." His soft voice was honest, open, and hopeful, begging her to stay.

"Forever," she promised, "I need you, always and forever."

* * *

They lessened their grip on each other, and slowly began walking back to their house, where the porch light was still on, welcoming them home. 


End file.
